Before I look forward and do that New Year's Resolution thang, I reflect on the past month or so. Oh, how vulnerable I can be during the Holiday Season.
Starting at Thanksgiving and through New Year's Day, it is just amazing how all of those traditions are jam-packed and demanding attention. My lil' ole' caretaker nature yearns to do it all. There have been some years that, by the time I get to New Year's Day, I'm totally exhausted (mentally, physically, the whole gamut).
I have learned, however, and am finding that balance -- making sure that I don't lose touch with my needs. I depend on some quiet each day. I am one who needs 7 hours of sleep. Why is it so hard to drink water this time of year? Those seemingly little details, when ignored can lead to a big, unwanted crash.
So many cultures take the time to honor the darkness and look forward to light. There is such a vast array of tradition and ritual that focus on generosity of the heart and reaching out to others.
One tradition that I truly cherish is sharing hand-made treasures. They don't have to be "big" items. When someone, however, shares their delectable baked delights, their fine embroidery, their beautiful cards... It helps me celebrate the love and talent that surrounds me.
Therefore, I try to do the same. Home cooked meals tend to be my specialty. Taking care of our feathery flock of layer hens and sharing their hard work is another. My husband intently fills jars of honey... fruits of his hobby, Bee Keeping. And, then... there is my super inspirational project -- the one big project of the year.
Whew! When I get that creative urge and delve into That Project, I am carried-away into another place. I let whatever inspiration that has enveloped me, take me over. This big, major project puts me in a vulnerable spot, though. Will the person who inspires this ethereal energy accept and delight in the product and the effort? That question cannot help but unnerve me every-once-a-while, especially when the finished gift is wrapped in precious paper, given one last loving look and shipped to its destination.
The Big Project is just one way in which I put myself out there... I step out to extend my heart in some way that I deem special. Sometimes my intent is not understood. Someone doesn't read my gesture in the way that I had hoped. This becomes awkward for both the giver and the receiver. Sometimes awkwardness can lead to a feeling of shame... what a vulnerable spot.
Especially during the Holiday Season -- THE time to care, to share, to celebrate.
So often, with sensory overload, emotional histories and a quick pace...
... it can be too complicated sometimes.
Who wants to feel exposed to possible misunderstandings?
Is that the darkness that is being honored by so many traditions, however?
Working through the awkwardness... is that the coming of light that so many yearn for and celebrate?
Yes, there will be another Big Project this new year.
Takes me back, moves me forward.